A Partner’s Journey through Sex Addiction – Part 2 – Self-care

Welcome to part 2 of our blog series, where we focus on the partners of those struggling with sex or porn addiction. Last month, we talked about the different ways partners typically discover a loved one’s sex or porn addiction and the wave of emotions that often follow. This time, we’re diving into what comes next – how to care for yourself in the days and weeks after discovery.

This is a profoundly difficult time. You may feel like the ground beneath your feet has shifted, and you’re not sure where to begin. We’re here to offer guidance and gentle encouragement as you start to find your way forward.

You are not to blame

One of the hardest parts of this experience is the way it can shake your sense of self. Partners often doubt themselves and question whether they played some part in the problem. In quiet moments, intrusive and unhelpful thoughts can creep in. Thoughts like…

• What’s wrong with me?
• How did I not see this?
• If we had sex more, would this have happened?
• If I looked different, would it have changed things?
• Why am I still in this relationship after all this?

Whilst these thoughts are incredibly painful, they are also completely normal and very common in this situation. But please hear this clearly: You did not cause your partner’s sex or porn addiction. You cannot control it and, I’m afraid, you also cannot fix it. The responsibility for change lies with the person engaging in the behaviour, not you. It’s not your responsibility to fix them, and you deserve support, healing, and care.

Reaching out for help

When we’re in pain, it can be tempting to shut down or isolate ourselves. Right now, you may feel ashamed, numb, or overwhelmed, and the thought of sharing the burden with someone else might feel too much. All of that makes sense, but the reality is that isolation will deepen the sense of despair. Reaching out to others – even just a little – can begin to ease the weight you’re carrying. You don’t have to go through this alone, and seeking support is a powerful act of self-care.

Here are some ways to get support:

• Speak with a therapist who is trained in sex and porn addiction
• Join a support group or a forum for partners going through similar experiences
• Talk to a close, trusted friend about what’s been happening
• Spend time with people who make you laugh and feel grounded
• Consider attending a partner-focused workshop

For professional help like therapy or workshops, take a look at the partner services available at The Laurel Centre. Even a single conversation with someone who truly sees and hears you can be a turning point.

Caring for your body during emotional stress

The shock of discovery can throw your body into survival mode. You may find yourself skipping meals, binging on comfort food, or relying on caffeine or alcohol just to make it through the day. All these reactions are understandable, but your body still needs care and consistency.

Try to nourish yourself with simple, grounding meals. Focus on basics like lean proteins, whole grains, and fresh fruits and vegetables, which can help stabilise blood sugar and support your emotional wellbeing. You don’t need to eat perfectly – just aim for small, manageable steps toward balance.

Movement is also key. Physical activity supports both mental and physical resilience. Whether it’s a short walk, gentle stretching, a favourite workout, or even just moving to music in your kitchen – every bit counts. And if you can, move with someone else. A walk or exercise class with a friend can ease loneliness and remind you that life continues to have moments of connection and joy.

Reclaiming quality sleep

Exhaustion is often part of the early stages of healing. The emotional toll of betrayal, confusion, and sadness is heavy. Add in sleepless nights filled with racing thoughts or nightmares, and everything becomes harder.

Creating a calming bedtime routine can help signal to your body that it’s safe to rest. Try reducing screen time for at least an hour before bed as the blue light from devices can interfere with our body’s natural sleep signals. Taking a warm bath, listening to soothing music, or reading something light (not a news feed!) can create a sense of comfort. Gentle breathing exercises or progressive muscle relaxation can help ease a tense body and a racing mind.

If you’re struggling night after night, it may be worth discussing natural sleep remedies with your GP or therapist. Sleep is not a luxury – it’s an essential part of healing. You deserve deep, restorative rest.

Final thoughts

Discovering a partner’s sex or porn addiction is devastating. You may feel betrayed, overwhelmed, and unsure of what your future holds. These reactions are more than emotional – they’re valid trauma responses to a serious breach of trust. Healing takes time and doesn’t follow a straight path. But with care, support, and space to reflect, it is possible to feel steady again, even if life looks different than it did before.

In this early stage, self-care means more than simply coping. It’s about restoring the internal resources you need to think clearly, connect with others, and make informed choices. That could mean talking with a therapist, setting boundaries or re-engaging with parts of your life that feel nurturing or grounding. You don’t need to fix everything right now, but making room for your own needs is a powerful place to begin.

Your pain is real and your wellbeing matters. While you may not feel strong in this moment, choosing to care for yourself during this storm is an important act of courage. And remember, you’re not alone in this journey.

In part 3 of this blog series, we’ll explore how to recognise and manage emotional triggers and begin building a sense of safety and stability – one step at a time.

For more help and support as the partner of someone recovering from sex addiction, we recommend Dr Paula Hall’s book, Sex Addiction: The Partner’s Perspective. Our new ‘Pivotal for Partners’ course will be launched in the next few weeks. Stay tuned for updates.

If you are the partner struggling with addiction and want to support your partner with their healing, take a look at our Helping Your Partner course.